she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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