I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
