I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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