I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize