cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize