So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
