i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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