this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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