Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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