i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
