she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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