can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love having hate sex.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
