wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We just shotgunned beers for America
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
