Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it hurts more in the daytime
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
