We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
