Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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