So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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