and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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