Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
