When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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