I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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