i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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