im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
