this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
