community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
