that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
