I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
