what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
