Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
