is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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