i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
