you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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