You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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