You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
