We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
