im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
