I just pynch a tree in the face
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
