I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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