So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
