This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
