chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
