i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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