ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am midnight drunk by noon
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize