um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
