There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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