carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
