Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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