glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
