based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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