Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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