dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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