No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
