I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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