You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
