Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
