And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
