I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want a musical about memes.
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