he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
