You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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