I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Found the puke drawer
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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