I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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