I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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