She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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