i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
