He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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