PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
