Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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