You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
