i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
