Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
